


pranks

by mikantsumiki



Category: Homestuck
Genre: F/F, Fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-11-27
Updated: 2012-11-27
Packaged: 2017-11-19 16:25:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,577
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/575259
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mikantsumiki/pseuds/mikantsumiki
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Your girlfriend’s asleep right now, so you have the perfect opportunity to go through with your set of pranks. As once said by a great philosopher, “where doing it man, where making this hapen”, and you definitely plan to make this happen.</p>
            </blockquote>





	pranks

**Author's Note:**

> i hAD TO HAVE A FIC IN WHICH ROSE PRANKS KANAYA OK THANK YOU  
> idk how to write as rose or kanaya so i am sorry if this seems out of character yeah,,

Your girlfriend’s asleep right now, so you have the perfect opportunity to go through with your set of pranks. As once said by a great philosopher, “where doing it man, where making this hapen”, and you definitely plan to make this happen.

\--

You creep quietly out of bed and make your way over towards the bathroom, locking it behind you. Kanaya’s baiting schedule—more like her ritual—is the same every morning; she gets up, trudges her way over here in a pair of slippers and satin pajamas, brushes her hair out of her face until it’s neat, washes her face exactly three times with her favorite lotions and soaps, goes pee, and then finally comes out to eat some breakfast. Things like this she can’t break habit out of, even if she’s not under her own roof. You’ve always known her to be the type of woman who’s prepared ahead of time.

You know she won’t be expecting this.

You turn your back towards the sink and turn the faucet, splashing water onto the countertop, knocking a tissue box onto the floor, throwing clean towels on top of the shower rod so that Kanaya won’t reach be able to reach it (it’s quite adorable how much shorter she is compared to you [shut up, two inches is a lot shorter to you]). You drop some prop toy that’s supposedly dog poop on the ground by the toilet, unrolling some toilet paper to hide it from obvious view. You want her to think it’s real, but you know she won’t.

Still, if you can fool her for a moment, it’s worth a shot. You know she has a sense of humor.

\--

Once you’re all done with the bathroom, you head into your living room where you keep your laptop. You grab it, browse through your desktop until you find pictures of Kanaya and pictures of the two of you together. You open them onto Photoshop and start scribbling mustaches and monocles onto your faces; pictures that show your hands get a glass of tea placed between your fingers. In one picture, you make sure to add clip art of books, dogs, crowns, and anything else that you can find to make it as shittily looking as possible.

You bet if Dave saw your work right now, he’d be so proud. He’d probably shed some tears and ask if you were trying to copy his style because SBAHJ is worthy of jealousy. Obviously, you wouldn’t want to rip him off though.

If you weren’t printing these images out, you could’ve added some nice blingee pixels onto the pictures; you could’ve made all of Kanaya’s pictures have cigars coming out of her mouth. You know she’d appreciate that.

You also had other people into the pictures. In the one of Kanaya kissing your cheek, you took yourself out of it and added in a picture of Karkat looking highly flustered at something that must’ve been inappropriate. In another of your girlfriend striking a silly pose, Dave and Terezi are in the background shouting “work it girl” “SHOW OFF THOS3 MOV3S! >:]” in comic sans text.

You’re absolutely sure this is one of your greatest ideas.

You paste all these images on all of the walls of your home, making sure Kanaya got an eyeful of the more embarrassing ones. You’re also sure you’re the best girlfriend ever.

\--

You know out of all the pranks you’re pulling on her, this one might actually get on her nerves, but you also know she can’t stay mad at you for too long, so you go along with it anyway. You start going through her side of the closet, seeing all of her neat and primped clothing hung up neatly. She does the ironing and the washing out of the two of you, while you do pretty much everything else.

You grab the first thing you find in her side, which just happens to be the dress she wore for your very first date. You remember it being at Olive Garden and Kanaya was so into the bread sticks that they had to bring three more baskets of it to your table. You think that was the first time you ever saw your girlfriend not being so lady-like.

It also makes you love her even more.

The warm memory brings a smile to your face, but it doesn’t stop you from wrinkling the fabric anyway, bunching it up in your palms and then sticking it back in the closet.

You drag out more clothing and repeat the actions, wrinkling up her clothes and then putting them back onto the hangers on the wrong side; you know just flipping the hangers around is going to drive her up the wall and she’s going to complain to you about how doing that isn’t a prank! _Its Just Silly And A Waste Of My Precious Time Rose_ , she would say, _How Would You Like It If I Went Into Your Closet And Rearranged The Color Coordination You Have Going On?_

Either way, she’s going to amuse you.

\--

It’s nearly eight AM, about thirty minutes from when she’s supposed to be waking up, not that it’s any of your concern. Currently, you have all of her nail polish displayed out besides you, a cup of water and a bunch of napkins.

You mix drops of polish into the water, mixing them into retro designs before dunking one of her nails in at a time, coating it with the design. You make a bunch of different ones, ranging from psychedelic swirls of green, blue and yellow to smudges of pink and purple, which makes it look like the colors are merging together.

Honestly, this is what you’re going for. You know she usually doesn’t paint them except on special occasions, such as parties the two of you get invited to, which makes this prank all the better.

You blow them dry quickly, placing her hands back onto her stomach since that’s where she usually keeps them while she dreams, before slipping out of the room again. You know that you’re going to have to make yourself look as natural as possible to pull this off, and you can’t do that without a cup of coffee.

\--

You’re about half-way done with your cup of coffee before you hear the confusion that is Kanaya’s voice coming from the hallway. She’s muttering ineloquent things, such as “What the fuck is going on?” and “Am I being punk’d?” and she’s moving things around. You can hear the shuffle of slippers against the tile and soon she’s coming out of the bathroom and you can hear her stifle giggles and the tearing of paper before she slips into the kitchen.

You’ve got a newspaper out in front of you, pretending to scan the funnies while your jade-blooded lover comes up to you with the picture.

“I can see you were occupied this morning,” She says, sleep still present in her voice, her eyes sparkling with amusement, “I don’t know whether I should thank you for the lovely artwork that’s displayed everywhere or scold you for messing with my toiletry supplies in the morning, and my clothing.”

You don’t say you’re sorry because it was funny! A smirk tugs at your lips as you take a sip of your coffee to think over how to respond. Of course, right now Kanaya wouldn’t need clothing; you’d let her walk around the house without anything to cover her body if she wanted to, not like you’d be complaining. As for the bathroom, you could always clean that up later when you weren’t being so lazy.

You’re kind of surprised she hasn’t mentioned anything about her nails though, so you’re going to address that first.

“Are you sure your clothes are the only fashion disaster you’re a victim of?” You ask, the cup to your lips.

She furrows her eyebrows together before looking down at her clothes to see what you could be speaking of. She doesn’t notice anything wrong with her slippers, or pants, or shirt, or—

“You painted my nails?” Kanaya asks, examining them with a painful expression. They are probably shades too dark for her complexion, or something else along those lines.

“Do you like?” You counter, stifling a chuckle with the tips of your fingers.

She notices your expression and laughs back, shaking her head in a way that says everything she wants to say out loud: _How Am I Supposed To Deal With You Rose Lalonde_

\--

Whoever said the two of you were classy women can kiss your ass, you know deep down you two are just a pair of females who love each other and who like to pull silly things on each other and kiss and sometimes have hot, dirty sex on the kitchen counter with the blinds open and your neighbors unaware of what’s going down at the Lalonde-Maryam’s residents.

Speaking of which, that’s what you should be doing right now. You unsnap the bra on Kanaya’s back, reaching up and grabbing the flimsy piece of clothing before dropping onto the ground while you let your eyebrows go crazy like they’re dancing on your face (you bet you can do it a whole lot better than Terezi can) and she laughs, wrapping her arms around your neck and pulling you into a smooth kiss, all lip and teeth.

You wouldn’t mind getting laid every time you pulled pranks on her.


End file.
